a mixture of feelings...

The day was sunny when Prior Tobias of Saint Meinrad Abbey drove me to the Louisville airport for my 9:20AM flight to New Mexico.

The day was filled with a gamut of feelings which were creeping into my whole being while Bro Romain of Togo Africa was cheering me up telling me many funny stories of his experience when he first landed in United States a year ago to study in Saint Meinrad Seminary.

This day was the last day I would be seeing Bro Romain, or Fr Tobias, or the monks of Saint Meinrad Abbey or the Diocesan seminarians of Saint Meinrad.

This day was the last day of my ten-month stay in Saint Meinrad as I will be transferring to Saint Vincent Seminary in Latrobe Pennsylvania come August of this forthcoming Fall semester.

I can still remember what Fr Christian, the Subprior of my monastery told me in his email about a definite transfer to another seminary next Fall semester.

He wrote:
March 12, 2009

Dear Br Paulavang and Br Lawrence,
Christ's peace be with you now and always.

Many greetings from the community here. We are fine, Deo gratias and we hope this finds you well.

Abbot Philip is in South Africa until next week but asked me to be in touch with you both.

As you may know, Saint Meinrad's needs to begin charging for monk-students. We understand this but because of the fact, we are having to look at sending you both to Saint Vincent's Archabbey Seminary in Pennsylvania beginning this fall. In order to do that we need your transcripts sent to the Office of Admissions at Saint Vincent's.

Abbot Philip has been in communication with the President Rector at Saint Meinrad's so they already know we are looking at other places for your continuation of studies.

Please ask the appropriate office there to send your earlier transcripts and any thing you have completed since being there, on to Saint Vincent's. We want you to finish out the year there in Indiana, and whatever you complete at the end of this semester can also be sent eventually.

Thanks for doing this as soon as possible and let me know when you have so we can keep dialoguing with Saint Vincent's.

This may all come as a surprise and a disappointment, but it is the reality of belonging to a poor community in a struggling economy in America in general. We must go forward in faith, hope and love, trusting in God's help.
With assurance of prayers and grateful for yours,

Fr Christian Leisy, OSB

On Fri, Mar 13, 2009 at 7:40 PM, I wrote back fr Christian:

dear fr christian,

i got your email and it brought me a mixture of feelings on the idea of a transfer: feelings of surprise, anxeity and fear. -surprise because the idea of a transfer will bring so much to me- ...new adjustment- ...new people to deal with- ...new curriculum- ...new place to live- ...new monks to adjust with- ...new school professors and course requirements to struggle with...

these many 'new things' are what make me feel these mixture of feelings.

well, i am trying to be just honest with you. it is important that you know how i feel towards the idea of a transfer. I acknowledge the difficulty of the economic condition of our community and i am well aware of the reality of an economic recession that is going on which does not only affect the whole of the country but as well as the whole world. So the idea of getting a free education is not at all remote in my mind. I am grateful for your concern of the financial well being of our community.

I am disappointed and distressed. I am sorry about that but anyhow, I need to end up here as I am at the middle of review for my Midterm Exams now and i wish not to deal with anything that may distract and disturb my full mind and focus but i promise to email you back for more about this after my exams. thanks for your prayers and you are assured of my prayers as well.

dom lawrence, OSB

On Sat, Mar 14, 2009 at 1:38 PM, Fr Christian wrote me back and he said:

Dear Dom Lawrence,
Peace and thank you for your honest e-mail. Pray for God's help and peace in the transition and be assured of our prayers and support as well.

Please go ahead with the transcripts to be sent to Fr Justin at Saint Vincent's Seminary, as we need to keep moving on this to have you in school in the fall.Asking your prayers and grateful for yours.

Fraternally,
Fr Christian

Indeed, it seems that in monastic life, there is always a time for everything.

There is time to be glad and be happy for the many blessings that a monk receives from God.

There is also an ample time when a monk needs to be quiet and contemplate in his prayers and intercessions for the people of the world whom he is praying for.

Indeed, a monk's life is itself a witness of the folding and unfolding of the times in life....

And there is this time when a monk needs to acknowledge the feelings of sadness and be able to address it in such a way that it would challenge his prayerlife in his monastic journey to holiness.

This is the time when a monk needs to understand and let go of this feeling that could be a mitigating factor in accepting the challenges in journeying through the abyss of monastic mysticism and realism.

This is the time when a monk needs to re-channel a destructive feeling of sadness to a bright hope of the future and a brilliant fervor in his monastic travails.

While at Houston waiting for the next flight to New Mexico, I was contemplating and gathering my thoughts of reminiscense of such a glorious year-long experience in the seminary of Saint Meinrad. And while I was seated, a question kept reverberating in my mind: When I go to Saint Vincent, Quo vadis Dom Lawrence? What's in store for me then?