beyond suffering and pain...

Does it hurt? I have heard this asked oftentimes. It has been addressed by doctors, parents, nurses, playmates. Name anyone and I am sure that at least once this question has been asked to someone who’s been hurt. People get hooked on alcohol because of high feeling they get that numbs them from the pain of everyday living.

When I was still in the Philippines teaching at San Beda, years ago, I would notice street urchins resort to buying a kind of adhesive cement with little money they get from begging in streets of Manila so they may get sleep or feel high, too and forget about the pain that comes with their present living condition. Nobody will ask for pain unless he is a masochist. Nobody in his right mind will inflict pain purposely without noble reason unless he has a streak of sadism in him. In other words, everyone avoids pain at all costs.

But recently, I realized how important pain is to keep us well and safe. I have a friend who suffered pain from childhood experiences. He’s a victim of physical and sexual abuse by his family when he was at a tender age. He grew up but concealed and denied these traumas and never dealt with it instead of seeking for help in his entire life. It was only until after a couple of years ago when he finally decided to come in the open and sought for professional help.

The result was rewarding but it was kind of late since he has grown old with the years of denial and concealment that prevented him from raising his own family and living a full, happy life. He developed a certain kind of numbness which sustained him but destroyed his capacity to love. Stripped of emotional feelings from the repeated traumas his father and an elder brother brought him, he became emotionally moron.

Learning from his story, I realized how important a role pain has in our lives. We want to avoid it but we do not realize that it is pain that actually protects us from hurting ourselves more and severely. Our psyches figure out a way out from extreme pain. We rationalize; we choose escape and defense mechanisms. We don’t seek professional help from our traumas inflicted to us by people whom we loved, by people around us. We avoid healing from bitter memories brought about by our family members and our community as well.

In relationships, a danger indicator is pain. When there is too much conflict in a relationship, so much so that copious tears had been shed, arguments led to quarrels and fights led to domestic violence, sometimes the best way is: out. This is perhaps the best one recommended in preserving the ego and dignity of personhood of both parties and for the good of all. It may not necessarily mean a separation for good. Sometimes it is in being apart and differentiating our identity with that of another that brings about the healing. Unfortunately, it all starts with the original pain. Perhaps, it gets deeper with the onset of the separation but eventually it leads to healing. Pain is not all that bad. Pain is an inevitable ingredient of love.

By nature love feels inadequate. Those who truly love often have that feeling of incompleteness and imperfection in the way their love is expressed. This can be a very painful experience. But this pain teaches us to be detached. It teaches us to see each loving relationship from the proper perspective. Sometimes to give ourselves over to love entails a certain loss in life and much pain but this pain is sometimes what feeds the soul, makes it strong and more loving and forgiving. Our Christian life is interplay of sufferings and pains.

It seems suffering for a cause is no longer fashionable these days. We mouth the same advice when we encounter problems around us, at work, in school or in our family, and in our community. Rather than suffer, we are told to make other people suffer. Rather than suffer pain in our neck, we are told to be the pain in the neck of other people.

The rule of thumb in this modern life is, it seems, if you don't get ahead, someone else will. Can we still find people who look beyond suffering, people who look beyond pain? Can we identify ourselves with people who can look beyond pain and suffering and discover Jesus Christ?

Let us bring back grace to our life. Grace in pain, grace through suffering, grace through sacrifice.

Bless us all!