the cause and effect...reaction to a stimulus

well, after some days of my 'hibernation', i finally found myself back to reality: that i should keep blogging the tales of a cenobitic monk in me.

though, i don't owe any explanations why i suddenly disappared for three days to the utmost, i felt that i still owe you people, some enlightenment why the sudden disappearance...

it was like this-
three days ago, just after posting my blog update about what monastic life is all about -june 14th, i found in my laptop an icon that popped-up saying something like this: do you want to share your media files of pictures, videos, and music to this user-pc? YES or NO... of course, thinking that it might be a spyware or a virus carrier, i clicked no. then the next thing that popped up was a question like this: do you want to prevent this user-pc from sharing your media files like pictures, videos and music from your media players?... YES or NO. of course i clicked YES. i want to keep my files private bacause they are for my private viewing and listening only huh!...

so, that ended up the questioning- then after awhile, with my intuitive tendency, i suddenly opened my cyberlink power dvd player 7 installed in my laptop and got my favorite dvd movie( i won't tell you what it is LOL), and played it on my player , and with much dismay- no sound was coming out from my player!.... i panicked- tried to re-configure the options for its audio, but to no avial.- and i found out that its audio was disabled, i was so annoyed and upset.

i tried other media players installed in my notebook -....VLC player, GOM player, DIVX player, Quicktime player, and even my iTunes player..they were all stripped from their audio....

i suspected that there was a firewall installed from the main network to my ip address!... the user-pc that was trying to eavesdrop my media files did it!.... and the only one who could have done such was a genius in computers-- and no other can do it than our newly arrived american observer johpaul who treats complex computer works as just like eating peanuts!....

since then, i became so uneasy and grumpy the whole of these three days, = i can't even remember to update my blog....and i can't even sing in the church choir!
- i thought of confronting johpaul. i thought of telling my prior about it- i shared my sentiments to marcus (another pinoy monk) , and thought of goin to the abbot himself...

on the third day- after so much distress about the whole thing, i arrived from a decision to talk it over with my prior....and on that same night after my talk with prior Xtian, i checked my notebook and alas!...the audio came back.....
that was it--it may be so trivial, but still - for me, that was a big thing!.... the implication of the act was that "they" were spying on us, monks= on what kind of music we listen to, on what kind of movies we view, on what kind of pictures we download and save to our folders---things like these...and it gave me a revolting feeling of being supressed... so much of suppression!!!!....i dunno. that was what i felt. period.

and do you know that while i was on the verge of misery thinking about my mute notebook, i could not chant anymore...weird as it was, i felt that as if there was no strength coming out from my vocal cord to be able to chant the Psalms properly--i felt i became mute also!....
cause and effect.... reactions to a stimulus...something like that.
the incident gave me a strong feeling that i was being stepped on of my basic human right to privacy:


so, now- i am back...with my usual self- healed from the stress. and looking forward to a brighter life inside...

the email of my abbot to us talked about something that i could relate to the incident three days ago...

its excerpt:

6/16/07

Dear Brothers,

Blessings to you! Always I am very happy with our community. Sometimes I have concerns about our observance here in the Monastery. After considering this over a long period of time, I have decided that I will use e-mail as a form of communicating with the community about these things. It will give a written document that each brother can read. If anything is a personal matter, then I will bring that up personally with the monk involved. But if something is a matter of the normal discipline of the Monastery, it needs to be said out loud so that all of us can hear it.

For instance, this morning I mentioned that each monk should be holding the music to sing the dismissal at the Divine Office when it is a solemn tone and not the ordinary tone. Or the other day when the Celebrant forgot to incense the icons at the beginning of a solemn Mass.

The other day, hardly anyone was singing on the Blessed Mother side of choir. Always I remind brothers that the choir is a work of all of us, not the work of the schola or the work of just the brothers who care to sing. Rather, all of us are supposed to be singing there in the choir. It is important that we hear the voice of each brother. We are praying as a community of brothers and not simply as individuals who happen to be present. message truncated here...

We can be aware of the silence in the cloister as well, in all of our buildings and rooms. If we need to speak something that is very short, I have no objection to speaking in a whisper in the hallway. But if it is an actual conversation, then we need to go into one of the rooms where speaking is allowed.(message truncated)


I keep each of you in my prayers with much love and affection.

Your brother in the Lord,

Abbot Philip