struggle between good and evil...Will Good Ever Really Triumph?

Tis just a short outpour of today's update about my piece of mind and my trend of thoughts on life with God...

With the end of the church year, I reflect on a stunning picture of the final confrontation of good and evil.

In the story of our lives, good triumphs, and we breath a sigh of relief, for as real life in this broken world of ours continues to unfold, the ultimate outcome can seem to still be in doubt, especially on our bad days.

Within ourselves there are too many things which don'­t seem to get fixed or get better across the years.

And around us on every side, the same too often seems true in my community, in our neighborhoods, in our cities, among nations, in the eroding environment, in the eroding spirituality of so many, inside here and out there.

That's the way I looks at times, and the way I feel, so I have to dig deep for answers.

The ultimate answer is that it's still God's world, and it is still God who breathes life into everything that lives, everything that is, from moment to moment.

If we try to build the kingdom on our own, all by ourselves, we will fail.

But if we let go of our own narrow agendas and let God guide our hands, the kingdom will surely come, not necessarily on our timetable, but it will come.

So relax in the Lord, give Him your hands and your heart, and trust in His power to make all things work for the good of those who love Him, and of those whome we love.

What makes me impatient?

I am a monk. I should display and exhibit utmost patience to my brothers inside the monastery. But I am impatient. What makes me really impatient? You can give your wild guesses and answers.

I am sure you will give me many and varied reasons.

Some will say, it is the terrible and annoying monks who just could not control their appetite to ask and pester me with questions and inquiries while I am baking fourteen loaves of bread in the kitchen.

Another will say it is the slow-learning assistant cooks that my superior assign to help me out in my cooking for the day‘s main meal.

Still others will say it is the repeated mistakes of aging monks assigned to do the hebdomadary ( the intoning of the Opening Prayers and Closing prayers of every Divine Office in Church for the day ), or the neophyte monks who are immaturely (untimely) assigned to do the intoning of Antiphons and Psalms of the Liturgy of the Hours in a day.

I think the reasons for impatience will be as many and as varied as there are many years I spent inside the Cloister.

But come to think of it, is it really the inquisitive or the talkative (in endless whispers to my ear) monks or the slow-learning assistant cooks or the aging hebdomadary or the neophyte monks intoning the Antiphons-Psalms that make me impatient?

Is not the reason for my impatience my decision, however, unaware may me be, to react impatiently to these particular situations inside the monastery?

How come some other people out there go through the heavy traffic jam at the city main roads especially at EDSA and Ayala Ave unperturbed?

How come some people react to slow learners with gentle and kind understanding?

How come some people are so deprived in life and yet they can smile and laugh more than the people who actually enjoy greater material prosperity?

How come there are sick people who inspire the healthy in the virtues of courage and fortitude?

But we can choose to be patient and kind and understanding rather than to be impatient or annoyed no matter how difficult the situation may be.

Do you remember how the widow in the Gospel did not allow her poverty to limit her generosity? It was her decision not to.

Do you remember how the good Samaritan did not allow his fear of being involved in a difficult situation to determine the extent of his charity?

Do you remember how the apostles were running after another for priority seats and how the Lord Jesus dealt with their childish ambition?


Jesus certainly did not turn to impatience. He taught them again. Do you remember how the apostles misunderstood the directions set by Jesus and how He, although exasperated already, still talked to them and taught them the way to the Father?

Monks do not need to be impatient. People do not need to be impatient. Because monks or not, we all have the capacity to be good, to be understanding, and to be PATIENT.

When monks get annoyed, or when people out there get annoyed, there is nobody to blame but the self.

It is not the fault of the inquisitive (makulet pa sa dilang makulet) monk nor the slow-learner assistant cooks. It is not the fault of the aging monk to be commiting mistakes nor the newcomer neophyte monks to be lacking knowledge of the rudiments of chanting nor the traffic jam at EDSA or Ayala Ave nor the repeated mistakes of our house helpers and etc….

The problem is not them. The problem is not outside. The problem is within me, within you, within us. The problem is ourselves!

When those around us show arrogance and hardness of heart, we respond to them by showing them more arrogance, more hatred, more violence, more resentment.

Does it improve the situation? Does it solve the problem? I guess, no.
I repeat, no. It only just gives us a little ego massage but the number of impatient monks in monasteries and people in the world would have increased because of us.

Our impatience with the shortcomings of those around us could be a reflection of our own failure to accept patiently and humbly our own limitations. It’s root could be our pride. We want to see progress immediately. Impatience could be selfishness and pride in another form.

If we cannot find patient and gentle monks in monasteries and people out there, then I guess it is best for us to be the first to exhibit patience, and kindness and gentleness and then we will see, we will find others changing for the better because of the good ‘seeds’ that we sowed.

We can also learn to be patient from the examples of others who are. The lives of holy men and women and great men and women remind us that we can still make our lives sublime. If they can be good and admirable in patience, why can’t we? Let us allow others to inspire us.

The best ‘Other’ who can teach us to be patient is Jesus Himself. Patience is a gift from God that we can ask for, that we can work for, that we can harness. It is a grace.

Perhaps one of the truly main reason why we are impatient is that we have not fully appreciated the patient love of God on us. How can God be so good? Is it that easy? Yes, indeed it is.
Need I say more?

Have a blessed day to all of us!

Faith and suffering

I am restless.

After reading the headline news of the typhoons 'Lando' and 'Mina' that struck many localities in the Philippines, my heart melts with my compatriots whose lives and properties were devastated. I can only keep them in my prayers.

I am feeling weary because I know that with this calamity that hit the Philippine soil, people may become weak again with suffering and pain brought about by these natural disasters.

But I am sure , also, that others carry suffering so courageously. But all of us are affected everytime we suffer. That is part of being human.

Suffering would be easier to understand if only the bad were to suffer, and only the good were to enjoy life.

But, that is not what human suffering is all about.

We know from human experience that this is not the way life is.

Sometimes, the bad enjoy life too much .

And sometimes, the good suffer so much, that the bad ridicule them for believing and trusting God.

That is the mystery of human suffering. It does not choose the good. It does not choose the bad.

Because suffering is for everybody. And we can't take it away.

That is one of the first lessons Job learned ( Job 1: 6-22 ).

But Job was able to overcome and be victorious over suffering, because of that one beautiful virtue- FAITH!

We cannot run away from suffering, otherwise we would be running away all the days of our life.

In the face of suffering, Job had faith. Because he had faith, the sting of suffering was not there anymore.

When we have FAITH, pain cannot harm us anymore. When we have FAITH, it is like a dog without rabies, or a snake without venom. That is what FAITH does to every human suffering.

Today, we will offer to our Triune God- the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit- our sufferings.
Even our secret sufferings. For many people know how much we suffer by these typhoons that beset our lives and properties. Many people know how much we suffer by our own misfortunes. But most people do not know how much we suffer from within us.

So, let us ask the Lord for FAITH so that the pains from the sting of suffering will be taken away from us. And like Job, we can still say in the midst of our suffering, and at the end of the day's trials and tribulations, "Blessed be the name of the Lord".

dealing with an unexpected loss

Life has been very tough with me these past few days because of unavoidable circumstances that surrounded its structure . But as a contemplative monk who truly surrenders his life to God and rely all matters of concerns to God, I try not to get affected emotionally. So today, I felt a sudden surge of urge to write and ponder something about dealing with an unexpected loss....

This thought made me reflect deeper on the experience of Mary and Joseph being afraid to lose Jesus. This is something we all go through when we are in love.

People experience love in parent-child relationship, husband-wife realtionship, girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, gay men and gay women relationship, and in platonic, filial, and fraternal friendships between men to men, men to women, and women to women.

But all of us , at a certain point, become afraid of losing a beloved. We get scared of a separation. We get distressed of a failure from a plan, from a loss of a job, from a loss of a relationship.

We are anxious that we will not always be together as uch as we would like to.

But, dear friends and dearly beloved brothers and sisters, the pain of losing a dearly beloved, the pain of being separated from a loved one, and even the pain of an unexpected failure, or the pain of losing a job, of a sudden change in plans causing one's person to lose his/her job making him/her feel distressed , disappointed and discouraged, are all based on a wrong obsession.

This is the obsession of trying to control everything. We would like to be in control of everything. We want to know everything that is happening. We plan everything, and in so doing, we would not like anything and everything unexpected to happen.

Mary and Joseph lost Jesus unexpectedly for a while. Like the Holy couple, we do not like unexpected things. We want things planned out and have these things get carried out according to our plan.

But life is not that way. Life does not run that way. Life doest not treat us that way.

When we look at our life, we see and realize that the more we plan, the more frustrated we become at some point along the way.

And because it is our will, it is not our plan that will make us happy in the end. Because over and above, it is God's plan that will make us happy in the end.

Let us therefore examine our worries and anxieties now.

Did something happen along the way that ruined our structured plans? Let us ask ourselves then, are they based on our obsession to be in control of every inch and everything that we planned?

We are not in control. God is.

And if we would only accept that God is in total control of everything here on earth, and if we would only accept and surrender to God's way of running things on earth, then we would be happy again.

Some people say, "what we own , we owe."

There is nothing we own, that we do not owe to God.

All that we own, is actually owned by God. And we do not possess, we cannot control of everything.

God is in control.

So, let us submit everything to God.

Let us allow Him to control our friendships, our loves, our relationships, our plans, our jobs.

We are afraid of losing a loved one. We are afraid of losing our jobs, We are afraid of losing our friendships. We are afraid of separation.

Let us therefore ask God to be in control of everything in our life.

Let us ask God, "God, be in control, even if I am afraid." "God, take possession of everything in my life, my loves, my friendships, my job." " God, take possession, be in control, because when You are in control, I have nothing to fear. Amen."

twilight at the canyons

when the day is over, when all is settled in the monastery, when the monks have gone to their own cells to retire after a hard day's toil, when the twilight appears and the dark starts to overshadow my world, I can only sigh in relief and say: "Lord God, thanks for the blessings of the day that you gave me... and thanks for making my day an offering of sacrifice as blessing for others, and most especially an offering of my love for you, amen."

the world's affairs come to our hands

As a contemplative monastery, we monks, don't go out for trivial matters, like buying newspapers or watching movies. We are isolated from the world. We are locked up in our own world.


Since monks could not reach the world and the affairs of the ordinary, the world and its affairs are better known to us through its print media: periodicals and magazines... This is one way we are able to get connected with the world, know its whats, whos, and hows and whys...


Today being the cook of the community, I am entitled to a sufficient freetime from 2:10pm til 5:00pm.

So, after the main meal, I was able to get enough time to browse and get the world's affairs into my hands. I spent half of an hour reading and taking a look at the latest headlines and latesst issues of the day....
Oh by the way, the community has stopped subscribing from Life Magazine... (tssskkk sayang! LOL)

keep our balance between attachment and detachment

All of us pray and hold on to our prayers because we hope and want to go to heaven.
And of course, we go to Mass definitely for a reason that in going to Mass, it can hopefully pave our way to heaven.

There was an anecdote about a man who wanted to know whether he will go to heaven or hell. He wanted to know what hell was and what heaven was. He did not want to be deceived. And with that in mind, he kept praying to God to show him what heaven and hell looked like so he could finally decide where to go in the end of his life.

what it means to be a monk..a million dollar question

image owned byEsther_G

this week has been so extremely quiet for all of us here at the monastery because it is our annual retreat and it started last Sunday after our 5:30 Vespers and will commence with our retreat master's closing talk on Saturday at 8:30Am.....

what it means to be a monk ….what is it to do with me, you, them, the whole Christianity?
Monks are a curious breed. They don’t really fit the mentality of the modern world. Monks are unknown or misunderstood or disdained or simply ignored by just about everyone, though they are appreciated and even loved by those who do understand.

For some, the existence of monks is a comfort; for others, a prick of the conscience. In the eyes of some, monks are useless and dusty relics of an irrelevant past; in the eyes of others they are prophetic witnesses to the world. It is characteristic of the monk, however, that none of the above really matters a whole lot to him. He has a calling from God and he simply goes about following it.

The vocation of the monk can be called a “mystery” in two senses of the word. Primarily it is a divine mystery, that is, a reality proceeding from God, at once hidden and revealed, expressing in its essence something of the grace, wisdom, peace, and fruitfulness of God. Monastic consecration is a mystery akin to the sacramental mysteries of the Church, in which an inner change is effected through an outward ritual or symbol and hence becomes a wellspring of Divine Energy.

Yet this vocation is, to many (even sometimes to the monk himself), a “mystery” in the more common sense of the word. It is baffling, strange, something that cannot be figured out by rational analysis, something that eludes definition and even contradicts what many people regard as normal, sensible, and acceptable by the standards of today’s world. Therefore I find myself searching in vain for adequate words to present to you the simple yet profound calling of the monk.

I do not wish to say much here about poverty, chastity, and obedience, though they are important parts of the foundation of monastic life. Very much is said about the vows in other places. (As I was writing that sentence, I accidentally typed “wows” instead of “vows.” Perhaps that could be a beginning of a meditation on those gifts of God!) But the essence of the vows will be implied in much of what follows.
Essentially, the monastic life is a specific response of a restless heart to the call of the One in whom alone that heart can find rest. “Only in God is my soul at rest” (Psalm 61/62: 2). The Caller of Restless Hearts speaks to all, of course, but the monastic response is unlike most others.

For the monastic way of life (unlike that of the Christian in the world) is not one that seeks to ennoble the elements of the secular life while simultaneously partaking of its joys and sorrows. It is rather one that endeavors to transcend the conventions of secular society in a single-minded, single-hearted pursuit of God – not for the sake of escaping the harsh realities of life through attaining mystical ecstasy, but for the sake of the transformation of the very world he has left behind, that the Light of Christ may shine on all who still may be living in the shadows of sin and death.

But even this way of speaking is not entirely accurate, for the use of terms like “endeavor” and “pursuit” may give the impression that the monk is trying to achieve something by his own effort or strength, rather than hoping to receive something (for himself and others) through his radical availability for the movement of the Spirit of God.
For it is the vocation of the monk to be an empty vessel, a listening heart, a faithful servant – like the Virgin Mary, who could pronounce an unconditional “yes” to the will of God, because her heart was already wholly with Him. She loved humanity like no other, yet she was not enmeshed in attachments that would diminish her freedom and availability to offer her whole life to God.

Despite the impression one may get from reading literature on monastic life, it is not about a quest for personal perfection or self-mastery. As soon as the goal of monastic life becomes self-anything, the monk has lost his bearings and is on the road to pride, self-absorption, and ultimately a distaste for the things of God and hence a betrayal of his original calling.
There is, to be sure, a goal for which the monk offers his life, but it is not one that requires him to pay much attention to himself or his own inner states, even for the sake of “seeking holiness.” A monk, like any Christian, should seek God. Holiness will follow all by itself if our one desire is simply God.

The goal of monastic life is nothing less than the transfiguration of all humanity and the whole universe unto the image of the crucified and glorified Christ. Every deified soul contributes immensely to the radical renewal and salvation of the world.
It’s not that monks think they can accomplish this on their own. They just know that this goal is God’s will, and they want to sacrifice their lives for the fulfillment of God’s purpose in creating us in the first place.

So what do monks do to that end? A question that has often been put to us is: “What do you guys do?” We may begin by saying that our vocation as contemplatives is to pray and intercede and worship and work, to share in Christ’s agony and ecstasy, and thus to help restore the fallen world to God’s original dream. The inevitable rejoinder is: “OK, but what do you guys do?” So, seeing that they are looking for a more active or productive dimension to monastic life, we might say that we run a guest house and occasionally go out to attend to community errands or personal needs, send a periodic newsletter, or (as we did in the past) stage a Gregorian concert for public viewing. “Yeah, but like, what do you do?” Sigh. guess we really don’t do anything that would satisfy those who simply must see a product that will somehow justify our existence.

Thomas Merton once said that the only justification for monastic life is the glory of God.
There are people who say that monks ought to be of some use in the world… but we have to understand the nature of a monk’s services and the way in which he has to help the world. A monk is someone who prays for the whole world, who weeps for the whole world; and in this lies his main work…

Thanks to monks, prayer continues unceasingly on earth, and the whole world profits, for through prayer the world continues to exist; but when prayer fails, the world will perish…
Thus has the Holy Spirit schooled the monk to love God and to love the world…
Though a monk takes thought for earthly things, so far as is needful for the life of the body, his spirit burns with love for God; though he labor with his hands, in mind he continues with God… He will keep a conscience pure in all things… He humbles his soul, and by humility repulses the enemy from himself and from those that ask his prayers…

Just as the angels perpetually serve God in spirit, so too must the mind of the monk ever dwell in God, and day and night meditate upon the word of God… The world does not know how a monk prays for the whole universe – people do not see his prayers and how they are received by the Lord in His mercy.

So prayer is at the heart of the monastic vocation. Prayer is something that many people do not understand or do not value sufficiently. Even people who do pray may still not understand why one would wish to live a life of prayer. And there is also a more general attitude that is expressed in ways such as, “We’ve done all we can in this situation. There’s nothing left to do but pray.”

Prayer is seen as a last resort, something one does as a kind of compensation for not being able to offer any practical help, something that is usually left to old ladies laden with prayer beads and holy cards, while those who really want to change the world get out there and make things happen.

But people who have a deeper understanding of the mystery of the Body of Christ, of the profound and dynamic (though often invisible) interconnection of all created things and persons, will understand that prayer ought to be the first resort instead of the last. The ability to enter into communication and communion with God surely ought to merit some regard from those who would like to change the world for the better.

When we say that a monk prays for the world, we are saying that in his stillness, he holds the whole of humanity close to the healing presence of God.
Yet there are a couple of other things that monks have to do, although these, like everything else, are still related to prayer: monks have to go to work.

Work is an important dimension in the life of monks, even though we don’t do the 9 to 5. Actually, our day is more like the 4 to 9, starting early and going in and out of periods of prayer and work of various sorts until evening brings the deep silence.
Whether it is manual or intellectual labor, the monk is required to give the best of his time and talents to the service of God and the community, to be productive and to avoid idleness at all costs. We know from the parable of the talents that slackers get the boot when it’s time to pass out rewards.

In recent years, much has been written on the dignity of work, but monks have known this all along. Monks have learned to combine prayer with work, and anything that is compatible with prayer is thereby ennobled, especially when it is consciously offered as a gift to God.
Study is a kind of work as well. The mind has to be exercised along with the body and the spirit. Historically, monks have often been among those who have advanced the intellectual and cultural life of the Church and even of the secular society.

Yet there is no college degree required for entering a monastery (not ours anyway!), only a heart that is willing to serve, to pray, to work, to grow, and to do all for the glory of God.
But if the mind is not given anything to stretch its capacities to understand the marvelous works of God, it will weaken and degenerate, and the spirit will soon follow.

Any other requirements? Oh yes, one also has to be willing to fight. A monk may be a pacifist when it comes to the wars of men, but in the arena of the soul he must continually fight the good fight, for the battle is with the “spiritual hosts of wickedness” (Ephesians 6: 12).
The monk is on the “front line” of the spiritual warfare, starting with his own inner life and expanding to the cosmic battles of principalities and powers. Look at the face of an old, experienced monk, and you will see not merely the marks of aging, but war wounds: tracks of tears and the lines of long, silent struggles. But in his eyes, there will still be burning the fire of love for God and the unshakable confidence that all things are accomplished, all enemies vanquished, through the grace of Christ who strengthens us.

“Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2Timothy 3: 12). This “persecution” may at times take the form of attacks from outsiders and visible enemies, but more often than not the monk is persecuted by the invisible enemies, the powers of darkness and his own inner “demons” that must be exorcised by unceasing prayer and unswerving fidelity to the word of the Master.

So, far from a boring (or even tranquil!) life, the monastic journey is a dangerous adventure, sometimes exhilarating, sometimes exhausting, but always with a deep undercurrent of peace and joy, for the love of God is poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, and the hope of heaven is ever alive.

All of the above we do, not as solitary individuals, but as members of a body – the monastic community and the whole mystical Body of Christ. When the branches are connected to the Vine they are thereby connected to each other as well. Solitude and silence are indispensable for the monastic vocation of prayer and seeking God, but the more “outgoing” side of brotherly love, communication, and cooperation is also an important part of the whole picture.

Part of the work of a community that is really alive in Christ is to continually seek the balance, amid the inner and outer unexpected changes of life, between silence and speaking, liturgy and contemplation, solitude and community, cloister and hospitality – in short, all the ways the monk must both bear fruit and share fruit. He has freely received and so must freely give, though always keeping vigilance over the inner treasure of the heart, the life of grace within.

Come what may, despite all changing trends and fashions, despite all the pendulum swings in the life of the Church and the mentality of the world, and in the midst of the sin and sorrows of life, “monks must be as trees which exist silently in the dark and by their vital presence purify the air” (Thomas Merton).

Defining Friendship

You ask me what “friendship” is?

I’ll tell you what friendship is. Friendship is the most wonderful relationship that anyone can have. Ideally a friend is a person who offers love and respect and will never leave or betray us.

Friends can also tell harsh truths when they must be told. There are also different types of friends: True friends, Convenient friends, Special interest friends, and historical friends.

To have friendship is to have comfort. In times of crisis and depression, a friend is there to calm us and to help lift up our spirits.

There are many illustrations that show why a friend can be a great comforter. For example, if a student is going through a hard time at school, a friend can offer guidance, encouragement and support. A true friend is also someone who loves and respects us, etc, etc...

A boyfriend and a girlfriend desire to be with each other. They love each other so much that they just want to be with each other as much as possible.

This bond is also present in a good friendship because it has genuine love. Also, as friends they respect each other. They try to avoid causing conflicts. They don’t make fun of each other, but treat each other with respect.

As friends, we all make sacrifices for each other. Some friends risk their lives for a friend. An example of this true friendship can be found between two men of different color, race, religion and religious inclination.

Dom Marcus' friendship with Frank is an example and an epitome of what real friendship between two men is all about.
Some images of the two with frank's sons that i took during our meeting at Olive Garden restaurant last october 27, 2007 will suffice what I am trying to say here.