Lord , restore me-

Lord Jesus, It is so easy to pretend that all is well with me. it is so easy to put on a mask, to put up a front, to smile even if I am angry, to shake hands even if I carry resentment within me. Lord Jesus, it is so easy to make such external gestures.

But many people around me do not know my thoughts. No one can read my thoughts. No one can judge my thoughts. They do not know that I am angry inside.

They do not see the grudges I harbor within. They do not know how I hurt inside. They are not aware of my hidden pains. They have no hint of my inner fears.

But Lord, You know everything. I cannot hide anything from You. You know me more than I could ever know myself. I am not afraid nor ashamed of this, Lord. I am glad that at least there is one who understands me, at least one who knows me, who reaches out to me. And it is You only. Now I tell You, I may be abandoned by all those around me but if You are by my side, I have nothing to fear.

Lord, You know, it is very difficult to forgive. The hurts, the pains inflicted on me by those whom I live with, are too deep to be forgotten; to deep to be taken for granted; too deep for my shoulders to shrug. I could not just cover by any bandage the wounds that these have caused. They have become like open cuts that continue to bleed. It is so difficult to forgive when the wound is fresh. It is so difficult to forgive right away.

But You, Lord Jesus, so readily forgive. At calvary, You said: "Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing." You were still bleeding yet You were already forgiving. Those who meant You harm had not yet completed their task, yet Your forgiveness was already completed.

Lord, can I be like You? Lord Jesus, make me like You. Make me forgive even while I am still bleeding. Make me ready to forgive while others are still plotting sinful acts and crimes against me. Make me forgive even if it is difficult. Make me forgive not tomorrow, not next week but right now.

Lord Jesus, life can be too much for me; too heavy to bear. No one seems to understand. Everybody is in a hurry. Everybody is busy with their own affairs. No one is left with me. Not anyone around me. No one is left but You.

Lord I am not at peace. I am not at peace because I am begrudging. I am not at peace because I am resentful. Lord Jesus, restore to me the peace that is lost in me. Restore to me the innocence of my childhood. Restore to me the gladness, peace, innocence and the stillness that is Your will for me.